I don’t know how to forgive. Forgive, but don’t forget?

If you look at it from a physical perspective, letting go is quite easy. Holding on to a cup? Release, let it go and it will drop away from you. If only emotions were just as easily to let go of.

I have never really believed on the whole “forgive and forget” idea. It does not make sense to me. You do not need to forget to forgive, if you forget then it’s like you did not forgive at all. I believe that in order to forgive, you need to fully acknowledge what happened and be fully aware of what it meant in your life and then you make the decision to let it go. You forgive because either it does not hurt anymore or you’ve decided that there is something more important than the pain.

I’m not an expert at forgiving. It takes time for me to let go of the pain. It’s not my choice to hold on, believe me, I do not like to carry it around and remind myself about the pain of the past. Forgiving sounds selfless, but it’s really selfish. You forgive so you stop feeling hurt, you forgive to let go of the pain and find inner peace.

Maybe I have it all wrong, maybe that’s why it’s so hard for me to forgive. Maybe I do not even know how to do it.


Things that I am tired of doing & other realistic musings on the new year…

I have a love and hate relationship with new year resolutions. On one side I think it’s good to take the time to look back on what you wished you had done and look forward to try to accomplish whatever is next on your list. I love making lists and I actually enjoy sitting down and jotting down my resolutions. On the other hand, I hate when I sound all full of cliches and end up being redundant with rolling unaccomplished resolutions that stare at me with a dubious look.

So before I post any resolutions or end of year happy thoughts, I wanted to share what I’m tired of and wish to somehow change for the new year. Come on, I know you can relate to some of these, so let’s feel guilty together and make a change.

  1. Criticizing everyone who does stupid stuff online – Sure, they look ridiculous, but why pain myself with embarrassment? It’s none of my business. It only wastes my energy. Have a good laugh and move on.

  2. Making excuses for myself – This means hitting the gym and being realistic about it. I’m not going to go every day, that just can’t happen, but if I’m paying a monthly fee that does not mean it equals a monthly visit.

  3. Saying that I’m going to hang out with someone and never coming through – This is not entirely my fault, it’s tricky for everyone. I do want to be able to make more time for people I care about. I need to stop being a “let’s do something soon” slut and start committing to concrete dates.

  4. Complaining about money – This might not stop entirely, but I figure if I have a good plan under my sleeve I won’t feel as miserable every time I need to have tomato soup for dinner.

  5. Caring about people that don’t care about me – Take it as you will, but it’s tiring. I care a lot about people and go out of my way to help people out and make sure they are happy. I’m tired of not being appreciated or at times, even acknowledged. I want to surround myself with people that care about something else besides themselves. This goes for #3 as well, why bother trying to meet up with someone who does not want to meet up with you? Not worth it.

  6. My milk going bad before I am able to finish it – Or any other food for that matter. I’m wasting money and creating false hopes of a full and yummy fridge. I can work on this, I believe in myself.

I figure if each year I leave a little bit of the bad stuff behind, I can make some progress in a few years, right? Life’s too short to carry negative stuff around, it’s like carrying your heavy suitcase through NYC public transportation.