Tag: MUSINGS

Cheers to the Paradoxical Nature of the Holiday Season

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The holiday season is complex, to say the least. There is an influx of joy for some, a reminder of loss for others, a pressure to perform for many, and an excuse to cozy by the fire for some. I find that every year the holidays feel a little different for me. There was a holiday season I spent away from my loved ones, all while two important people were stuck in the hospital (give a wild guess of which year this was). This year, I am embracing the holiday spirit (decorations and all) and I am actually looking forward to hosting loved ones for Christmas.

Beyond the duality of cheer and loss, I also dance between the best holidays in the world (Puerto Rico!!!) and the allure of the quintessential American Christmas. I have to play my dad’s holiday music while I make coquito with Don Q, but I still enjoy Christmas carols while sipping on hot chocolate (maybe with some Bailey’s). We’ll bake a honey ham but have arroz con gandules and tostones as the sides. These seeming paradoxes make up who I am today. There are also new experiences that help shape our traditions today and for years to come. I can’t wait to see the holidays through my niece’s joyful eyes.

No matter where you are in the holiday celebration spectrum – whether you are obsessing over moving the Elf or sitting in solitude – I hope you find time to breathe and practice a little gratitude. Whether it’s being thankful for a strong wifi connection so you can FaceTime your loved one in the hospital or feeling grateful for a warm home to welcome all your guests, there’s always something to be grateful for. 

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Stop Chasing Butterflies

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“Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.”

– Henry David Thoreau

I don’t remember how I got it but I held on to a magnet with this quote like it was a lifesaver during my teenage years when I was convinced I would never find love. A hopeless romantic drowned in Nicholas Sparks books, I fantasized about my future love life like it was a movie waiting to be filmed. Looking back, I wish I could tell my young self that love is not always like it’s depicted in the books, a lot of times it can be so much more beautiful and raw, lighting us up in incredible ways. Still, I did not know that back then so I clutched my magnet and tried not to chase the butterfly too hard.

Fast forward over a decade later, and I am struck again by this quote but from a totally new perspective. My entire life I’ve been told to chase the career butterfly, so much that it’s been a subconscious effort most of the time. Work hard, keep climbing, don’t settle, go, go, go. It has just recently dawned on me (thanks to some great people in my life) that this aspect of my life is also a butterfly. That’s not to say that a dream job will “come and sit softly on my shoulder” if I turn my attention to playing Nintendo Switch instead (it doesn’t hurt to try though) but more like, what can life bring you towards when you are guided by curiosity and joy? 

As someone who has always been obsessing about finding your passion and has had to endure a few hits during her career, this idea almost goes against everything my brain has been conditioned to follow in life. Even as I write these words, I struggle to understand what this butterfly means to me and what “turning your attention to other things” looks like in reality. My words are not answers, at least they don’t feel that way to me yet, but maybe they can help drive awareness to your chase and make you question (in the best way possible) your own butterflies. 

–

I wrote the above about three months ago and while I still don’t have all the answers I am happy to report that life is full of little butterflies. Some you can only notice when you take a moment to really look for them, others are only able to catch you when you purposefully slow down your life. All are beautiful and worth admiring. May wonderful things come rest softly on your shoulder in this season of life. 🙂

-Cristina

Photo by Lana Kravchenko: https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-yellow-and-brown-butterfly-on-purple-flower-12889060/

New York, I love you.

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Sunset on Manhattan

Today marks what would have been my 7th New York Anniversary. 7 years ago, on a day like today, I landed with my one-way ticket to JFK hoping for the best. I had no clue what was in store for me.

I left New York this past January and have not been able to gather my thoughts of what this has meant to me. To those close to me, you know that New York was sucking the life out of me, slowly but surely. No need to get into details here, we all know New York is expensive and demanding. As it was getting close to my last day in the city, I started seeing things differently, you may call it “graduation goggles”. The crowded trains suddenly felt poetic, the hustle and bustle felt energizing and little by little I started to notice the things I was going to miss. 

I used to compare New York City with a drug, you know it’s bad for you but you keep coming back for more. I expressed some of these thoughts during my 5th New York Anniversary post and I think you can sense in my words that I was about ready to go. New York City lifts you up so high, you are soaring, but then it can drop you so hard, the impact is undeniably sobering. I used to think that it drained you but it still felt so good but now I think you feel that way because you’ve forgotten what normal feels like. I danced with so many of these emotions for years. 

Now, New York City feels like an old lover. I know it was not perfect, there were certainly hardships along the way, but I choose to remember the good times and respect the bad times as they have made me who I am today. I go back and rejoice, feeling lucky to have called it mine for however long it lasted. Sure, there are many things I miss and maybe will always miss, but that’s ok. 

Thank you, New York. I believe there is strength in being able to thank someone, something, anything for the good it did, in spite of all the bad. A kind of broken beauty that requires patience and wisdom to be appreciated.

New York, I will always love you. 

Real Talk: What’s been going on over here

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I don’t really usually call myself a blogger, even though I have this blog and have had blogs since 2010. I do like to think of myself as some sort of writer. I write daily as part of my job, I write as part of my personal life. Writing gives me fuel in a way not many things do.

I started this blog in 2013 as a creative outlet to let my thoughts develop into further pieces to express all things typical for a 23-year-old living in New York City – hope, frustration, love and hunger. As the last 6 years have gone by, a LOT has changed. Many intentional changes but also many life changes that happen unconsciously, subtly but surely and leave you reconsidering perspectives.

One of my biggest frustrations in the last few years has been not having more time to write. I would complain that I didn’t have enough time, but then when I did have the time I was too tired to do anything and then I would blame myself for not writing. I kept beating myself up as I looked at others embracing and fulfilling their writing wishes with less than average ideas, when I felt I could too contribute to the wonderful world of words – if I only had the time or energy.

Life happens. We can sit, look back and think of all the ways we could have done it differently but that is only useful if you plan on implementing that in any way to your future. Otherwise, what’s the point? People keep telling myself I am too hard on myself and honestly half of the time (or more) I don’t see it. It’s not easy for me to recognize this but hey, it’s a process and I am ok with that.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I’ve missed writing and know that I am not perfect but I still want to continue to share pieces of me and my thoughts to whoever wants to enjoy them. Sure, it’s great when many people read what you have to say, but I think that at times it is just as empowering to combine beautiful words, make them yours, surrender them the universe, and see what happens.

I’ve come back to this blog after various unintentional hiatuses but never acknowledged them to protect myself in case I slipped away again… but not this time. I am putting it out to the universe because I know it’s something that is important to me and as such, it deserves the safety of accountability any other big task receives. Still, you don’t always need a plan or strategy. That’s the beauty of writing, you can just let it flow and let it refresh you in ways you probably weren’t even aware that you needed.

 

2017 Musings, Let The Light Shine On

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How can one year be charged with so many different emotions? For the past couple of days, I have been thinking about this past year and how crazy it was. Here’s my brain dump fueled by freezing temperatures and memories of warmer days.

Let’s start with the hardest part. Hurricane Maria knocked Puerto Rico down, but our resilience and strength as a country have shone through. Difficult times make us react in ways that surprise us, allowing you to see strength you didn’t even think you had. A crisis, big or small, allows you to grow in painful, yet beautiful ways.

Still, 2017 was so incredibly good to me, I can’t honestly complain. Not only did I get to marry my best friend, but I got to celebrate all wedding-related activities with so many people I love. The fact that people came from near and far to join us means the world, and as we start our new chapter as a family, we love knowing that they will be with us through this crazy journey.

After the hurricane, we adopted two little pups that changed us forever. After the storm, literally came out the sunshine because those two fill us with joy every single day. It’s absurd. I could honestly write about them forever, but I will not bother you with that here (go follow them on Insta, how about that?).

We are thankful for what we have, but still, we are not where we need to be. Challenges and risks come in all shapes and sizes. Some hit us harder than others, but we muster up the courage and keep going because, what else is there to do?

How do you deal with all the bad in the world without letting it overwhelm you? How do you enjoy all the great things without letting them distract you?

Life can be many things, in waves, or all at once. That will never change, life will always spin you in crazy ways but what matters is how we handle it and who we share it with. Everything is better when you share it with those you love, yes, even food. Everybody says you need to live life to the fullest like it is a breezy task. It may not always be that way, but it will always be worth it.

May the new year be full of moments that matter, big and small. Full of unexpected joys shared with special people, old and new. Mostly, may your soul be content and at peace in the midst of all things crazy and if you lose your way, may the good vibes guide you home.

Here’s to 2018.

5 Year New York Anniversary

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This week marks my five year getting-a-one-way-ticket-to-new-york-and-getting-my-first-job anniversary. This is pretty big for me, not only is five one of my favorite numbers but now I can also say that I’ve been in New York City for half a decade. That may not be much for some people, but for me, it’s an accomplishment that makes me feel proud of my strengths… and even my weaknesses.

You see, New York City is a drug. You say it’s just for a little while, you know it’s bad for you, but decide it’s worth it for those glorious moments. It hurts you, it brings you down, yet you can’t get enough of it. You know you are ruined for life because nowhere else will be New York. People tell you it’s bad for you and at certain points, you believe them. But then, something amazing happens that keeps you tangled within the vines of this concrete jungle. 

When I was younger and addicted to Nicholas Sparks and Harlequin Romance (Yes, I am ashamed) I had this vision of moving to New York City, becoming a writer and meeting a handsome man as he accidentally grabbed my coffee at the Starbucks I would go to write my latest novel. Ridiculous, right? I didn’t even drink coffee back then. Also, who writes a novel at Starbucks? That’s what those cute little independent coffee shops are for.

Still, New York always seemed magical to me and although I never realized it, I always knew I wanted to end up here. Did I imagine this dirty, messy reality that is Manhattan? Not quite, but even beyond the smelly street corners and the questionable characters, I have been able to find magic in New York. Sometimes in way of a kind stranger (yes, they have those here) or a delicious, Instagram-worthy meal.

I can feel the conflicting emotions within me just as I write this post. Half of me is swaying away in a whimsical fairytale praising this city for the dreams it inspires and the other half is banging her head against the wall, wondering why am I still here. New York can be cruel, it’s raw and it doesn’t ask for forgiveness. It makes you strong by necessity and you also immediately forget how to walk slowly. There is no explanation, it just happens. There is no slow here. There is also no stopping. There’s just going and going and going and going. 

Five years. I’m still here. 🙂

Thank you, New York, for making me a fighter even when I am not even aware of what the fight is all about.

Here’s To Love

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Happy Valentine’s Day from Atlanta, here’s to all kinds of love! 

When you call your mom to ask what kind of wash is better for your new shirt, shrink it anyways but know you are still accepted. When you send your friends the perfect funny meme and you feel all warm inside. When you send your friends excessive Snapchats of your own face just to let them know you are thinking about them. When your dad sends you pictures of puppies on a regular basis because he knows they make you happy. When your boyfriend knows to wait before he starts eating so you can snap a picture of the food. When your boyfriend applauds you after you break into random dancing and singing, even though you may have disturbed the neighbors just a little bit.

Here’s to everyone that makes us feel loved and appreciated in the most special, weird and unexpected ways.

Human Connections > Networking

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I’m not a big fan of networking events. I know everyone says that networking = life and that you have to do it in order to find success, but I honestly find the whole process very uncomfortable most of the time. I tend to find a lot of people that are full of themselves, I struggle to be polite and keep track of what they’re saying. Imagine this after a full day of work when my attention span is almost nonexistent and the energy to properly debate a subject has been mostly drained for the day.

Still, once in a while you find strangers with which you end up having deep conversations about life, goals and whatever motivates us. All of the sudden, you find yourself expressing great ideas and genuinely interested in the other person’s responses and opinions.

That is what’s really at the core of human connections. You find that other people have the same questions, feel the same restlessness as you do and that you can provide for others that reassurance that you are looking to find yourself. Don’t get me wrong, I like my job and I love the people I work with, but let’s be real, nobody wants to be in a desk Mon-Friday from 9-6 (or more). We all have things we enjoy doing at work (I hope!) but you know that if you’re offered free unlimited travel for a year you would set sail, no questions asked. This person I was talking to was SO refreshed to hear someone say that, he said that in 3 months he had not heard anyone complain about work in some way and some even expressed they wish they could work more! Think about that for a moment!

If the word networking makes you shudder a little, like it does to me, just think about it as making basic human connections, helping you exercise your mind. You’re not going to enjoy every single conversation, but if you don’t put yourself out there, you remain static and static becomes boring.

What I Can Do in 38 Years

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Cape Cod by Cristina Nogueras

What are 25 years? They are nothing without perspective. I think of all I’ve done in my 25 years of life so far, it seems like a lot. Now I think that the time I’ve lived is the same time that is standing between me and hitting 50 years of age. It feels like another world of possibilities. Then I think of all the people that I see every day reinventing themselves after they turn 50, just like my mom is doing now. That’s now a third lifetime, according to this perspective.

That being said, a year seems like nothing, right? The thing about time that makes it so painfully wonderful is that it’s relevant. Waiting a year can seem like an eternity, yet it can go by in a second. Whatever struggles you are facing now may seem small and simple compared to the big picture. A year apart for a long distance couple may seem like torture, but all worth it when you then have 20 years of marriage. Five years of school might seem endless, but it pays off when you’re thinking of a career that spans over three decades. Yet a month of unpleasant tasks can seem like a lifetime.

In life, day-to-day struggles seem big and unbearable. You can’t seem to understand just how small they are until you overcome them. That seems unfair because you really need something to get you through each day and you know that at the moment of struggle, every pebble seems like a boulder.

It’s beginning to scare me how fast time can pass. If you don’t sit and think about it, it really does fly by. You have no control of how quick time goes by, but you can control what you do with it. Time is going to pass anyways, might as well spend it towards something that will make you happy, something that will make you feel complete. That’s the eternal journey, isn’t it? It’s all about being happy, right?

So now that I’m 25, I can keep hitting myself in the head saying that “it’s too late to start now” or I can quit moping and get some perspective. My dad is 63 and he is still doing amazing things each and every day. He challenges himself every day and never ceases to amaze me. I still have 38 years to be where he is.

Heck, I can conquer the world with 38 years in my hands.

P.S. – Just in case you don’t know my dad and you still need some perspective, Hillary Clinton is 67 years old. I’m good.

* Photo by Cristina Nogueras *

A Quarter of a Century: Thoughts on Turning 25

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life life

Here we are, one more year.

Older? Yes. Wiser? Surely hope so.

Today, I’m turning 25. It’s a weird age, in my opinion. You’re absolutely not a kid anymore, but you have a hard time admitting to yourself that you’re an adult. You’re not old, but you’re not super young either, or are you? It’s a confusing age.

It’s easy to freak out on life and aging, everybody feels differently and everyone has a strong opinion about it. To some I am still blossoming, to others I am ancient. I’m going to say that I’m actually excited about this in-between, silly age.

Some things to look forward to:

  • I can rent cars without any stupid fees, hooray!
  • I still have 5 years to decide what I want to be and where I want to be by the time I’m 30, that’s still a thing right?
  • Hmm, that’s all I can think of…

The thing is, turning 25 is not supposed to be a big deal. It’s just another year, right? For some reason, however, every year in your twenties holds special significance and shows you what you have been able to overcome and achieve. Life in your twenties is ever changing and it can be scary and exciting, all at once. I’m halfway through this roller coaster, but what does that even mean?

Some things I learned:

  • Waking up somewhat early is not the end of the world- There’s actually some beauty to waking up before noon on a weekend and beating the crowds for brunch
  • Sometimes you’re going to have do things by yourself- It might feel weird, but you shouldn’t say no to great opportunities just because you don’t want to go somewhere alone
  • If you don’t ask, the answer is always no- I’m still learning that one. I’ve seen people around me get what they want only because they’ve dared to ask. If you’re afraid that the answer is “no” you might be right, but then again, you might be wrong
  • Family is everything – At the end of the day, they’re the ones that are going to be there for you, even in distance. You may not always see things the same way, but love is stronger than everything else and you will get through it together
  • People are selfish and sometimes, it’s ok for you to be selfish too – This one is hard for me, my instinct tells me to make people feel happy and comfortable but there are a lot of people out there that don’t really care about other people and you need to learn that’s ok. There’s nothing you can do to change that, so try caring a little less about them
  • Your wonderful metabolism won’t last forever- Yes, sadly, this one is true. My stomach has been super rude lately, sending me signals that I shouldn’t be having so much cheese. At first it felt like the world was ending. Heck, it still feels like the world is ending, cheese is EVERYTHING
  • Find that balance between believing anything is possible and losing all of your faith in humanity- I find any of these extremes to be extremely annoying. What is that balance, you may ask? I have no damn clue. There are days that I want to conquer the world and then the next day I want to run away from it
  • Love is awesome and it’s complicated – Love just is, right? Well, love is one of the greatest ironies of life. It can be the most complicated, simple thing in the world and it still makes us go nuts. I hate when Big in Sex and the City says that, “at the end you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh.” I hate it so much I didn’t even want to include the quote, but it’s not too far from reality, even if I don’t like his character (yes, I said it). Life is full of adventures, obstacles, challenges and restaurants. Find someone to share all of these wonders with, someone who will carry you when you’re feet are killing you, someone you can push into the water just for fun, someone that makes you smile against all odds

Let me stop right there before I get to cheesy (mmm, cheese). Here’s to getting older, crossing more places off my bucket list, trying new things and enjoying every moment!

bday quote

I have a feeling this is going to be a good year, cheers to that!